


i'm twisting allegories now

by mintables



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: M/M, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, PUTTING THAT MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH TAG HURT ME SO FUCKING MUCH, bc that's what i've been doing all day. crying, i am absolutely DEVASTATED, it's not even. actual death yet but yknow... it's canonical ahhaha, spoilers for feh book 3 chapter 3, this is just. alfonse and zacharias hold each other and cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 12:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17386580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintables/pseuds/mintables
Summary: “Zacharias,” Alfonse says through the connection, voice strained, like he’s in pain. Every nerve in Zacharias’s body goes alert at once, and his heart leaps into his throat. “I… can you come to Askr?”“What’s wrong?” he asks, already spurring his horse into action. She tosses her head back, annoyed, but breaks into a canter. “I can- I can be there in a few hours. What happened?”Alfonse is quiet for a moment, then makes a strangled noise- like he’s choking, like it pains him to breathe. “I’m- no, I…” He trails off, clearly unsure of what to say. Or maybe there’s something he can’t say, not with this distance still between them. Zacharias’s heart thuds in his ears so loud he almost doesn’t hear what Alfonse says next.“I just… need you.”





	i'm twisting allegories now

**Author's Note:**

> I HATE FIRE EMBLEM HEROES!!!! i have been crying since two in the fucking morning and now it's five and im still crying. feh is homophobic confirmed. ANYWAYS we're out here coping by writing absolute BULLSHIT!!!! i havent even proofread this i wrote this in class it feels like a fever dream!!!! but hey title is from far too young to die by panic bc, well, You Know :)
> 
> also i was like. man this summary is too long and then i thought yknow if ppl can post those massive wild het feh things with like a trillion tags im allowed to do this. my soul's already left me nothing is real

Zacharias is in the desert spanning the distance between Muspel and Embla when the call finds him- the familiar tug in the pit of his stomach that lets him know he’s being sent for with the sending stone.  _ Alfonse, then.  _

It’s been a little while since they’ve last managed to talk, and he’s been worried- he knows how much Alfonse hates going home for fear of having to interact with his father. Gods, he’s missed him. He smiles, letting his mind lean in to the connection.

“Alfonse?” he says aloud, and his horse nickers underneath him at the disturbance to the previous silence.

_ “Zacharias,”  _ Alfonse says through the connection, voice strained, like he’s in pain. Every nerve in Zacharias’s body goes alert at once, and his heart leaps into his throat.  _ “I… can you come to Askr?” _

“What’s wrong?” he asks, already spurring his horse into action. She tosses her head back, annoyed, but breaks into a canter. “I can- I can be there in a few hours. What happened?”

Alfonse is quiet for a moment, then makes a strangled noise- like he’s choking, like it pains him to breathe.  _ “I’m- no, I…”  _ He trails off, clearly unsure of what to say. Or maybe there’s something he  _ can’t _ say, not with this distance still between them. Zacharias’s heart thuds in his ears so loud he almost doesn’t hear what Alfonse says next.

_ “I just… need you.” _ His voice is so, so quiet, and so, so pained, and Zacharias feels sick. Whatever could have happened for Alfonse to sound this way, it can be nothing good. Mind racing, he plots the quickest course to Askr. There’s a gateway to the World of Radiance right along the Embla border; he can take a shortcut and end up a few miles away from the palace. He can make it.

“Of course,” he says, trying to sound as calm as possible. He knows it’s probably futile- Alfonse has always been able to see right through him. “I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”

_ “I love you,”  _ Alfonse breathes, and even though he can’t see him Zacharias can imagine the way his small frame shudders as he is wracked with a coughing fit the next moment. He swallows hard.

“I love you, too. I’ll be there soon.”

 

Slipping past the guards at the Askran border is no problem at all, and he does it with practiced ease. It’s only a few minutes later that he’s pulling off his mask and strolling into the castle, trying desperately to remain calm and look like he belongs there. By some miracle, the curse in his blood is relatively quiet- he’s gotten a better handle on managing it, and knows he’ll be able to afford to be in the castle for at least a few hours before he’ll need to leave. The halls are curiously silent, devoid of passersby; it feels like a grim silence has settled over the castle like the shroud of death itself.

He quickens his pace.

The door to Alfonse’s chamber is just as he remembers, and he only knocks once before it’s yanked open and he’s greeted by… Sharena. Her face is pale, her eyes bloodshot, tears running down her face like she hasn’t been able to bother wiping them off. “Oh, thank goodness,” she breathes. He only has a moment to fear like he never has before, until he steps into the room and sees Alfonse.

He’s seated on his bed, fists balled in the sheets and face even paler than Sharena’s. The minute he sees Zacharias, his expression brightens and he makes an attempt to stand up before wincing and sitting heavily back down. Sharena is at his side in an instant, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t- don’t strain yourself,” she chokes. “You shouldn’t have come with us to the sending stone.”

Alfonse shakes his head, and turns to Zacharias, who is standing in the doorway, frozen. He’s never seen Alfonse look so… weak. It’s staggering,  _ sickening _ . “Zacharias,” he breathes softly, trying to smile. Zacharias forces himself to move, to cross the room and take Alfonse’s hand.

“Alfonse, what- what happened? What-” His voice cracks, throat too dry.

Alfonse looks to Sharena and she nods, backing away. Her eyes are so, so sad. Zacharias doesn’t think he’s ever seen her like that. “I- I’ll leave you two alone for a moment,” she says shakily. “I don’t- oh, Zacharias, I’m-” She claps her hands over her mouth and stares at him for a few heartstopping moments, tears flooding her eyes before she turns on her heel and flees.

The door slams shut as she leaves, and Zacharias turns to Alfonse, panic swelling in his throat.  _ “What happened?”  _ he demands. Alfonse coughs hard, and Zacharias pulls him tight against his side as he shudders. It’s all he can do, it seems.

“I- oh gods,  _ Zacharias-”  _ And then Alfonse’s voice is breaking, and tears are flooding his eyes, and he fucking  _ wails _ before burying his face in Zacharias’s chest. For a moment, he fears he might shake apart in his arms. He runs his fingers through Alfonse’s hair as gently as he can, trying not to let himself shake, too. What on earth  _ happened? _

After a few minutes, Alfonse’s shudders abate, and he pulls away, still crying but at least able to speak again. “I- forgive me, I just…  _ gods, Zacharias,”  _ he manages, lip quivering. Looking closer, Zacharias can see how  _ frightened  _ he looks.

“Alfonse, please tell me what’s wrong,” he breathes, aware just how desperate he sounds. “Why did you call me here, what happened to you?”

Alfonse can’t meet his gaze as he exhales heavily, whole face scrunching up like it’s a struggle to get the words out. “I- I met Hel,” he says softly.

Zacharias’s blood runs cold.

“Hel- as in, the ruler of the underworld, Hel?  _ Alfonse, what happened?” _

Alfonse makes a gasping noise, again like it hurts to breathe. Zacharias places a hand on the side of his face, almost not wanting to hear what he’s going to say next.

“I- she placed a curse on me.”

No.

“I only have eight more days to live, now.”

_ No. _

Zacharias can’t breathe, can’t imagine what he looks like right now. This can’t be happening, this can’t be  _ real,  _ this  _ cannot possibly be happening,  _ not after  _ everything. _ For an instant, he feels numb, hollow, like there’s nothing inside of him, then Alfonse looks back into his eyes and there is too  _ much  _ inside of him and he’s pulling him against his chest and sobbing like his world is ending.

His world  _ is  _ ending.

“Alfonse- I-”

“I know,” Alfonse manages, breath hot against his chest, tears soaking through the front of Zacharias’s shirt. He doesn’t care- how _can_ he care? How can he care when _Alfonse is going to be dying in a little more than a week,_ when the only person who has given him the strength to live on is going to be _gone_ soon? It’s too much, it’s all too much.

Zacharias forces himself to get his breathing under control, overaware that too much weakness will present the curse with the opportunity to regain control of his body. But how can he  _ not  _ be weak; how can he remain strong when the source of his strength is breaking apart in his arms? He inhales as hard as he can before pulling back enough to press a kiss to the top of Alfonse’s head, dizzied by the fact that this might be the last time he even so much as gets the chance to. “I love you, I love you, oh  _ gods, Alfonse,”  _ he breathes. He feels so, so small.

“I love you too,” Alfonse chokes, and pulls back, and he can only look at him for a moment before he’s kissing him desperately like it might be the last time he ever gets the chance to- and it might well be.  _ It might be the last time he ever gets to kiss Alfonse again. _

Tears neither of them have brushed away make their lips salty, and the kiss tastes acutely of pain, but it’s still  _ Alfonse,  _ and Zacharias’s every molecule is burning- it’s so much, it’s  _ so much.  _

He runs a hand up Alfonse’s back, and Alfonse tangles his fingers in his hair desperately, gasping against his lips before kissing him harder. He tries to savor every last movement, tries to memorize the slide of Alfonse’s lips against his, but he can’t  _ think  _ about it, he  _ can’t think about losing him. _ He tries his hardest to lose himself in kissing Alfonse, tries to tell himself it’s fine.

They finally have to pull apart when Alfonse begins to cough again. Zacharias’s heart is shattering. “Does it- are you in pain?” he asks softly. Alfonse’s gaze flickers to the side, and it’s as good as a yes.

“Gods, Alfonse.” He doesn’t know how to say more, doesn’t know how to  _ think. _ Alfonse shudders a little, and it’s crushing how  _ young _ he looks- how young he is, how young they both are; too young for these burdens and far too young to die. They were- they were supposed to have a  _ future.  _ He’d always thought it would be  _ together. _

Zacharias had always told himself he was going to marry this boy one day.

Now, with Alfonse in his chambers, the curse still tugging at the back of his mind and Alfonse now with his own curse- a curse far worse, Zacharias thinks, and for a moment wishes they could trade so it would be his head on the platter- there doesn’t seem to be a way out. Any of his foolish hopes for a future are impossible. How could there be a way out against Hel herself?

But there  _ has  _ to be. He’s not going to let him go, not that easily.

“Surely there has to be some way to reverse this- some way to slow it down-” he begins, but Alfonse shakes his head. Alfonse has never given up before, has always tried to find a way to save everyone; seeing him like this is almost more than he can bear.

“We’ve cheated death too many times, I think,” he murmurs ruefully, and he sounds so  _ resigned  _ and it  _ hurts.  _ “I don’t- I don’t know if there’s a way out this time.”

“We’ll  _ find  _ one,” Zacharias says with conviction he doesn’t feel. “We always do.”

Alfonse sighs and tries to smile, but it’s clearly forced. “Zacharias. I am sorry for making this your burden too. I’m-” and here his voice breaks, composure slipping- “I’m so sorry.”

“Alfonse,  _ no,”  _ he says firmly, cupping his cheek and wiping away a tear with his thumb. “You have nothing to apologize for. We’re going to find a way out of this  _ together,  _ because I  _ love  _ you. You don’t have to face this alone, and you are  _ not _ going to die.” He wishes he could believe his own words, wishes he did not feel fear gnawing in the pit of his stomach that Alfonse is right and there’s no way out.

Alfonse looks for a moment like he’s about to say something, but bites his lip and just kisses him instead. Zacharias lets him, pulling him tighter and taking what comfort he can from his warmth. Still, it’s not long before Alfonse is wracked with another cough, and this time blood dribbles from his lips with it. Zacharias can barely blink back his tears.

“Oh,  _ darling…” _ he breathes. Alfonse makes a choked sound at the pet name. Zacharias isn’t sure what to say anymore, doesn’t know how he can make it better.

“Does… does anyone else know?” he asks softly. He knows Alfonse hasn’t spoken to his father in- gods, who  _ knows _ how long, the man cut him off so he can choke for all Zacharias cares- but for Alfonse to only share this burden with him, his sister, and probably Anna and Kiran… it’s not right.

Alfonse shakes his head. “I… I can’t do that to my mother. I can’t let her know- it would break her. And my father… he would just be furious.” He laughs bitterly, and Zacharias is reminded just how much he hates the man. “You know, Father warned me not to go anywhere near Hel before I left for battle yesterday. He would be more angry at me for not listening to him than upset over my inevitable death, I think.”

“Oh, Alfonse…” Zacharias breathes, kissing him softly for a moment. Alfonse tries to smile against his lips, but it falls. Guilt surges through him-  _ he should have been there. _ “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you, I-”

Alfonse shushes him, resting their foreheads together. “You have nothing to apologize for. The fault was all mine- I shouldn’t have-” He presses his lips together tightly and breathes out a shaky sigh. “I’m going to  _ die,”  _ he says shakily, and it sounds hollow, almost hysterical, like he’s realizing it for the first time. “In eight days I’m going to  _ die.” _

“Not if I can help it,” Zacharias says fiercely. “I swear, I am going to march to the gates of Hel myself and shove her axe up her-”

“Zacharias-” Alfonse almost tries to laugh hysterically, but then his lower lip wobbles and he heaves a sob again, burying his face in Zacharias’s chest. For a moment it is all they can do just to hold each other.

“I’m- I’m scared,” he murmurs into his chest, and Zacharias squeezes his eyes shut tight and holds him tighter. He’s scared too, more than he’d ever admit to him.

“I’m here,” he says, and hopes it is enough.

Eventually, Alfonse pulls away, and it is clear he’s steeling himself to say something. Zacharias squeezes his hand, hoping it is reassuring and does not give away the way his own are shaking.

“Zacharias, I- I have a request to make of you,” Alfonse manages, and his eyes are so, so scared, and Zacharias is going to cry all over again. “I…” he trails off, coughing hard. Zacharias wipes the blood away this time; he’d rather it stain his cloak than Alfonse’s sheets. He can do that much for him, at least.

“Anything,” Zacharias says without hesitation. “You know I would do anything for you.”

Alfonse smiles ruefully. “Even kill me?”

Zacharias swears his heart stops.  _ “What?” _

Alfonse meets his gaze head-on, and for a moment there is a hint of the fire that used to be in his eyes, the steely determination that had Zacharias falling in love with him in the first place. “I am doomed to die either way. If we find there is no way to reverse this within the next eight days… I would much rather die by your hand than at the hands of this curse.  _ Please, _ if we cannot change this… I ask that you be the one to kill me, not Hel.”

Zacharias stares, heart sinking, sickness rising in the pit of his stomach and tears pricking his eyes. He is at a loss for words. “Alfonse… you know I could never do that to you, I- I’ve fought this long just to keep you  _ safe, _ so I  _ wouldn’t  _ hurt you, I-”

_ “Please,”  _ Alfonse breathes. “I cannot ask this of anyone else. I- it could never be Sharena. It has to be you. Promise me that if there’s no way to fix this, you won’t let me die at Hel’s hands.”

Zacharias ignores the way his stomach lurches, ignores the way tears threaten to spill from his eyes any minute. Has all he has fought against his whole life been for naught? Has it all really come to this, this promise he must make that either way will only end in pain?

But even now, he would do anything for Alfonse. Even now, he cannot say no to him.

“If there is no other way… then yes. If we cannot stop this- if we can’t stop Hel and make her fix this- then…” he sighs, blinking away tears as he meets Alfonse’s gaze with one of his own. “I promise I will be the one to kill you, not Hel.”

Alfonse smiles, and it’s as pained as his previous ones but it’s  _ there,  _ and Zacharias kisses it and tries to press the shape of it to his heart. “I love you. I love you  _ so much,”  _ he breathes, and he lets the tears fall, because how can he be the strong one now?

“I love you, too,” Alfonse breathes. “I love you- I  _ love you, I-” _

And then they’re both curling into each other, and neither can quite soothe away the tears, and there’s a void opening in Zacharias’s chest that he doesn’t think will go away, but- he has Alfonse right now, with him, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let him go this easily.

“We’re going to find a way out of this,” he says, muffled against Alfonse’s hair. “Promise me you’ll try.”

“I will,” Alfonse murmurs, and that will have to be enough. His breathing, though still clearly pained, slows a little, and he relaxes against him. It’s better- it’s all Zacharias can ask for, right now. Alfonse’s voice is small when he asks, almost as though he thinks Zacharias won’t hear, “Stay with me tonight?”

Zacharias does a quick mental check- he’s exhausted and sadder than he thinks he’s ever been, but the curse should still stay in check for at least another few hours. He’s gotten better at managing it; he should be fine. “I’ll do my best,” he reassures, offering a kiss.

He stays with him for as long as he can, till Alfonse’s breathing has slowed further and he can tell he’s asleep. The roar of the curse in his ears is growing stronger, but he winces as he forces himself to disentangle from Alfonse and slip out of his bed. He presses one last kiss to his forehead, and pauses, considers a moment.

When he does slip out, he passes Sharena in the hallway, and ignores the curse long enough to pull her into a hug before he has no choice but to part. She still looks shaken, broken like he’s never seen her, but she manages a smile and a wave of goodbye as he goes.

Gods, does he hate leaving like this, but he’s not about to put her or Alfonse in any more danger than they’re already in. He spares one last glance over his shoulder to the light in the window where he knows Alfonse is sleeping, before spurring his horse onwards, towards the northern border.

Hel’s forces aren’t going to know what hit them.

 

When Alfonse awakens, he finds himself wrapped in Zacharias’s cloak, his mask on the pillow beside him with a note in his elegant, looping script. 

_ I love you. _

Despite it all, he manages to smile.

**Author's Note:**

> i hate this game i hate ending fics i hate myself and i hate being alive :^)
> 
> anyways u can like. hmu on twit @ylissebian where i have been crying abt alfonse literally all day now, and all


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